Alice came to visit me on Cape Cod this weekend; since she’s never been to Martha’s Vineyard, the famous island that is shaped remarkably like a cowlick, I decided to take her on Saturday as a mini-excursion. It was an especially good day to take the ferry over because my mother was a hosting a cribbage-themed block party, and I heard on the radio that some harbor seals were doing Sea World tricks in the bay.

Our boat left at around one o’clock, and for the most part the journey was enjoyable. We snapped a few reach-around photos with seagulls in the background; I managed to empty an entire bottle of sunscreen into my eyes. The captain of the ship even let Alice take the helm for a few minutes while he played some scratch-tickets. She only plowed over one small lobster boat!!

It let us off at a pier in Vineyard Haven … if salt-water taffy was ever used as a cultural model, the result would be something like Vineyard Haven. To assimilate into our surroundings, Alice and I bought some sweater vests. Roaming around the village was fun; we ate some gelato, and found a gift for my sister. However, we soon determined that in order to witness the rest of the island (Oak Bluffs, Edgartown and the bridge where Edward Kennedy killed a woman), we would need some brand of transportation. Taxis were a little pricy, so I figured that we could rent some bicycles.

There are plenty of bike shops in Vineyard Haven, so we strolled into the first one we saw. The nice woman behind the counter asked if we’d like bikes or a moped. “A moped?!” I couldn’t contain the rush of excitement that filled my body … I needed to pee all of the sudden. I think the problem is that I’m a male, and any potential of motorized vehicles releases a few too many hormones. Before I knew it, the paper work was complete; Alice and I were about to merge into traffic on a moped.

“Hmm,” I thought, “I don’t know how to drive a moped.”

Alice clung to my waist like a kitten in cellophane while I wobbled at the helm. The situation was very scary for a few minutes as I adjusted, but soon I had everything under control. If I were to guesstimate, we almost perished no more than 4 times. For $50, though, there is no better way to cruise around. We made it to Oak Bluffs in no time at all, and stopped again in Edgartown.

While we were parking, to our surprise, a familiar voice came screeching from the inside of a mini-van. Jeff Bibeau, one of our London correspondents, was on his was to give a seminar on efficient catering at a yatch club. We all just stared at each other for a while in disbelief, and Alice hummed that song from the little kid’s ride at Disney World. Jeff is a regular on the island, I learned, and pointed us in the direction of some really good fudge.

After buying some fudge for Alice’s landlord, it was time to wrap up the day. We drove back to Vineyard Haven to return the bike; on the way, of course we got lost and pulled over by a policeman. Luckily, he was easily bribed with some fudge.

It was a long day of traveling; the two of us tried to close our eyes on the return ferry ride, but a couple on their honeymoon kept us awake. Instead of speaking like normal humans, they insisted on text-messaging each other with their Blackberries and giggling afterwards.