Raspberry Truffles
I’m not sure if people understand the extent to which raspberry truffles are significant in my life. In fact, it is safe to assume that am rendered useless to their powers; a big sucker to the truffles. My mother claims that my gravitation to them began before I could even speak!! Supposedly, we had a plumber over to repair the washing-machine; he saw me, waddling around in toddlerhood … and handed me a raspberry truffle from the inside of his pocket. And that was that. I think I hide this dependence fairly well, but I would really like to exemplify its impact.
Without further ado … here is my life on raspberry truffles (an abridged list):
- I love raspberry truffle flavored coffee.
- I own a raspberry truffle themed bowling ball.
- I will typically run red-lights if raspberry truffles are involved.
- I once turned down a job offer as King of India because raspberries don’t grow in India.
- I always blink in pictures because camera flashes taste like raspberry truffles when my eyes are closed.
- I fertilize my lawn with raspberry truffle wrappers in hope that the grass will flower … truffles.
- I only go to gas stations that give you a free raspberry truffle with every $20 gasoline purchase.
- I have no mirrors in my house … only raspberry truffles.
- I was once lured into a Taking Back Sunday concert by raspberry truffles on a long string.
- I invented a pesticide and named it Raspberry Truffle … it kills aphids.
- I have a poster of Billy Ray Cyrus eating raspberry truffles in a field of corn.
- I generally take vacations when raspberry-truffle-manufacturing-labor-unions go on strike.
- I penned a novel in the style of Luis Borges where a man believes he is a raspberry truffle in reality … but he is stuck in the body of a movie-star most of the time.
- I bought a kitten and named it ‘Paul’ … but its nickname is ‘Raspberry Truffle.’
There are more, I think, but these are the first ones that popped into my head.
Tags: raspberry truffles