I was reading the newspaper yesterday morning, and came across a French phrase that apparently meant something in the context of the article. Having no clue what it implied, I found myself at a serious lack of savoire-faire.

Later on, as I turned onto my cul-de-sac, I realized that I don’t understand most of these French phrases ! They show up in newspapers, books, magazines … even political talk shows. Apparently, it is very chic to utilize these funny French words. But what’s the use if no one knows what the hell you’re talking about? How prêt-à-porter!

Since noticing my inferiority next to the French language, I seem to understand less and less. That evening I went for a rendez-vous with a good friend of mine. We sat down for an apéritif and crème de menthe. He brought his girlfriend with him; she donned a décolletage blouse.

“Keighl,” he questioned, “have you heard the news of a possible coup d’ét in Panama? The politics haven’t been so tense since the fin-de-siècle.”

I was baffled. What did he say? I decided to try my luck with French in response … just so I wouldn’t feel like such a nom de plume.

“Well … I mean … it’s no ménage à trois … but the situation has a certain je ne sais quoi that I find appealing.”

That statement earned me a blank stare from both my friend and the waiter who had come by to see if we cared for any hors d-oeuvres. It’s not like I’m speaking in double entendre! Why do we need to use this crazy French lingo when there are pefectly acceptable English words that work just fine? I think that America is relying far too much on French culture. Britain does also, but they’re practically French anyway … cheval-de-frise.

People need to understand that Frenchisms are not the haute couture of language. In fact, there shold be a law banning the use of French so Americans can understand things. I think I’ll hurl if I read one more bête noire!